Twilight: The texts, the chats, and the evil plans
by minie moo luvs u
Summary: What will go down when the Cullens get IM? or when they get revenge on Lauren mallory? find out answers to questions like... is Edward gay? Alice survive no shopping for a week? AND WHY THE HELL IS EMMETT SINGING BARBIE? read and find out!
1. the beginning

okayz hi every 1! this is my first fanfic so any suggestions or constructive critisism much apprectiated! if at least one person reviews, I'll update. this first chapter may be a little lame. enjoy!

screen names!

Edward - Ediwedikins_109

Bella - Danger_Magnet

Rosalie - BlondeBeauty_411

Alice - shawty_shopper

Jasper - Mr_HappySad

Carlisle - DoctorDoctor_745

Esme - VampireMuthaHen_876

Emmett - Grizzly_Wrestling_123

Jacob - WhoLetTheDogsOut_186

_**Ediwedikins_109 has signed in.**_

_**Danger_Magnet has signed in.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed in.**_

_**Mr_HappySad has signed in.**_

Shawty_Shopper: Hey everyone!

Danger_Magnet : Hey, everyone. Hi Edward!

Ediwedikins : hello love. hi everyone.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: EDIWEDIKINS? what kind of a screen name is that!

Shawty_Shopper: Emmett, I think the public is still pretty dedicated to hello.

Ediwedikins : Bella picked it out. The screen name I mean.

Grizzly_Wrestling : LMFAO. also, hi.

Mr_HappySad : hey all.

Shawty_Shopper: hello, Jasper 3! just the man I wanted to see...

Mr_HappySad: Don't tell me. You've maxed out your credit cards. AGAIN.

Shawty_Shopper: All of them! anyway there was a mega awesome super adorable

lily pulitiser dress I saw in Seattle last night but my credit card got maxed

out! u have to help me out here Jazzy! pwease?

*huge parkly puppy dog eyes*

Mr_HappySad: Alice, you brought home twenty bags of designer clothing yesterday. I think

you can buy this dress when your credit card is paid off again.

Shawty_Shopper: *sniff* oh, you're so mean Jazzy!

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed off.**_

Mr_HappySad: I better go find her before she steals my wallet.

Ediwedikins: she's actually going for Esme's wallet.

Mr_HappySad: Thanks... EDIWEDIKINS. hahaha.

_**Mr_HappySad has signed off.**_

Ediwedikins: *GROWLS*

Danger_Magnet: Awwwww, don't be unhappy, eddie! *kisses edward on the cheek*

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: Has everyone forgotten my presence? does anyone care?

Ediwedikins: yes, and no.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: fine then! I'm LEAVING!

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed off.**_

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186 has signed in.**_

Danger_Magnet: Well then, i guess it's just us now...

Ediwedikins: yes... can I come over, my love?

Danger_Magnet: yes, charlie is snoring like a chainsaw so it should be safe. I await your arrival,

my love. O, Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Ediwedikins: O, my love, my life!

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: is that seriously how you two speak to each other? I'ts so romantic,

i think i'm gonna puke all over my new sneakers.

Ediwedikins: how did you get in here? this is a Cullens Only chat room.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: ah, the beauty of hacking, EDIWEDIKINS.

Danger_Magnet: Get lost jake.

_**ediwedikins has signed out.**_

_**Danger_Magnet has signed out.**_

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: hello?

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: helllloooooooo?

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: stupid bloodsucking vampires.

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186 has changed his status to pissed off.**_

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186 has signed out.**_

**so wadda ya think? review if you want more or have ideas or critisism!**

**sorry if the screen names suck! :P**

**I'll keep updating till I run out of ideas.**

**TTYL!**


	2. Emmett the Island princess

**hi again! i hope you enjoyed the last chapter, BTW did I mention It was the first chapter of my first fanfic EVER? *yayness dance* ok. so this chapter was actually inspired by my Nana. she gave me a barbie doll collector magazine (i pretended it was something i really wanted, but on the inside i was throwing up big time, sorry barbie collectors) but anyway, BADA BING, inspiration 4 a chapter. thanks for all the reviews guys! enjoy!**

screen names!

Edward - VampireBeethoven109 (A/N: if you didnt know, Beethoven was a famous

musician)

Bella - Danger_Magnet

Rosalie - BlondeBeauty_411

Alice - shawty_shopper

Jasper - Mr_HappySad

Carlisle - DoctorDoctor_745

Esme - VampireMuthaHen_876

Emmett - Grizzly_Wrestling_123

Jacob - WhoLetTheDogsOut_186

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed in.**_

_**BlondeBeauty_411 has signed in. **_

BlondeBeauty_411: OMG Emmett! that is just plain WEIRD.

you need professional help.

Grizzly_Wrestling: Hey, like you've never seen it before.

BlondeBeauty_411: Actually, I haven't.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: well pleeeaaaassseee don't tell anyone!

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

Shawty_Shopper: what's up?

BlondeBeauty_411: I caught Emmett here watching that stupid barbie movie. you know,

"the island princess". AND singing along to all the songs.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: ROSALIE! *SAVAGE GROWL*

Shawty_Shopper: o_O

Shawty_Shopper: T_T

Shawty_Shopper: um. did you hit him rose? I think Emmett may prove that vampires can

have mental disorders.

BlondeBeauty_411: Carlisle will be very interested.

_**DoctorDoctor_745 has signed in.**_

_**VampireMuthaHen_876 has signed in.  
VampireBeethoven109 has signed in. **_

_**Danger_Magnet has signed in.**_

_**Mr_HappySad has signed in.**_

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186**_

DoctorDoctor_745: hello, children. what's all the arguing about?

VampireBeethoven109: what Carlisle said.

BlondeBeauty_411: well, I was walking past the room we never really use, and -

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: DO NOT TELL THEM. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DO

TELL THEM.

BlondeBeauty_411: and I saw Emmett watching "the island princess". the barbie one.

AND signing along to all the songs.

DoctorDoctor_745: o_O

VampireMuthaHen_876: o_O

VampireBeethoven109: o_O

Danger_Magnet: o_O

Mr_HappySad: o_O

ALL: OMG.

DoctorDoctor_745: it's okay, everyone.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: you mean it's normal for vampires to watch barbie movies?

DoctorDoctor_745: um...no. that's out of character for you, Emmett. Did rose hit you again?

VampireBeethoven109: HAAAAHAAAAHHA! and Emmett says I'M weird.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: Seth used to have problems with that. we just snapped the disks

and the DVD player. Now he's fine. well, as fine as Seth will

ever be.

Shawty_Shopper: now we're getting somewhere. Rosalie, care to join me?

BlondeBeauty_411: certainly.

_**BlondeBeauty_411 has signed off.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed off.**_

VampireBeethoven109: They're going with the Dog's suggestion.

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: I HAVE TO STOP THEM!

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed off.**_

Danger_Magnet: oookkkaayyy...

Shawty_Shopper: hey, Bella! come over!

Danger_Magnet: are you going to trap me into going shopping with

you again, Alice?

VampireBeethoven: Yes.

Shawty_Shopper: spoilsport! Let's go, jazzy!

Mr_HappySad: very well.

_**Mr_HappySad has signed off.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed off.**_

VampireBeethoven109: I have to hunt. Bella, you can go to Jacob's place if you want,

but NO motorcycles.

Danger_Magnet: YAY! thanks Eddie 3

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: yes!

_**VampireBeethoven109 has signed off.**_

_**Danger_Magnet has signed off.**_

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186 has signed off.**_

**hope u guys liked it! review! I'll try to update every day! peace out :]**


	3. Charlie's favouritism!

**Okay thanks for reading this guys! You all have excellent taste ** ** lolz . thanks to for the idea for this chapter! Enjoy...**

_**Screen names!**_

_**Edward - VampireBeethoven109 **_

_**Bella - Danger_Magnet**_

_**Rosalie - BlondeBeauty_411**_

_**Alice - shawty_shopper**_

_**Jasper - Mr_HappySad **_

_**Carlisle - DoctorDoctor_745**_

_**Esme - VampireMuthaHen_876**_

_**Emmett - Grizzly_Wrestling_123**_

_**Jacob - WhoLetTheDogsOut_186**_

VampireBeethoven109: Bella! Hi! Are you free tonight?

Danger_Magnet: Hi Edward! Yes, yes I am.

VampireBeethoven109: Well, we haven't been on a normal date in ages...

Do you want do something?

Danger_Magnet: YAY! Of course I want do something! What do you have

In mind...? :D

VampireBeethoven109: Anything. Something romantic? We could go to the theatre in Seattle...

I heard they're doing a reproduction of Romeo and Juliet.

Danger_Magnet: Maybe. Or we could go to our meadow. 3

VampireBeethoven109: Or dinner at _la Bella_. I hear the food is exquisite.

Danger_Magnet: There's really a restaurant called that?

VampireBeethoven109: Yes, love.

Danger_Magnet: um, Edward? You don't eat.

VampireBeethoven109: But you do.

Danger_Magnet: you wouldn't have any fun!

VampireBeethoven109: of course I would! Anywhere you are is my idea of fun.

Danger_Magnet: you love me like a fool

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_ 186 has signed in.**_

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: * reading previous messages* ugh. Enough with the mushy

Romantic garbage! He's a bloodsucker for Christ's sake!

Danger_Magnet: Well, he IS my boyfriend, like it or not.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: I'm gonna say NOT.

Danger_Magnet: Well you can just get-

VampireBeethoven109: okay kitten, sheathe the claws. We'll go to our meadow.

I'll meet you outside in half an hour.

Danger_Magnet: Can't wait! 3 love you!

VampireBeethoven109: love you too Bella-

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: Bella can't come. Charlie is taking her to the movies in

Port Angeles tonight for... "alone time". Sorry

Danger_Magnet: What! How come I didn't hear about this? And how did you hear?

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: AND Alice is invited, but not Edward. Aint that a bitch.

Shawty_Shopper: invited to what? o_o

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: The theatre in Port Angeles with Bella and Charlie

For some "alone time".

Shawty_Shopper: YAYNESS! :D

VampireBeethoven109: Typical Charlie playing favourites again. Sigh.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: *CoughloserCough*

Danger_Magnet: I'm going to speak to Charlie about this favouritism.

VampireBeethoven109: Well, James did break your leg, cracked your skull, fractured your

Wrist and numerous other injuries because of me.

Danger_Magnet: WHATEVER! T_T I repeat, how did YOU find out?

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: I have my sources

VampireBeethoven109: Charlie asked him to come too.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: GET OUTTA MY HEAD! How do you live with him?

Shawty_Shopper: lots of patience.

Danger_Magnet: THAT'S IT! I'M CONFRONTING CHARLIE ABOUT THIS!

_**Danger_Magnet has changed status to on a warpath.**_

_**Danger_Magnet has signed off.**_

VampireBeethoven109: I'm going to talk sense into Bella. *sighs*

_**VampireBeethoven109 has signed off. **_

Shawty_Shopper: Well, I'm going shopping!

_**Shawty_Shopper has changed status to buying out channel.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed off.**_

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: Well damn.

WhoLetTheDogsOut_186: Grrrr. I'm going to phase.

_**WhoLetTheDogsOut_186 has signed out.**_

**That's all for now, folks! Expect another update soon!**

**Read and review! More reviews means I am encouraged and update tons faster **

**TTYL!**


	4. Alice's Gucci addiction

Hi Hi! Is everyone enjoying the story so far? Hope u likie . Anyway, this chapter is focusing on Alice's latest shopping spree and her addiction to Gucci. Enjoy

_**Screen names!**_

_**Edward - VampireBeethoven109 **_

_**Bella - Danger_Magnet**_

_**Rosalie - BlondeBeauty_411**_

_**Alice - shawty_shopper**_

_**Jasper - Mr_HappySad **_

_**Carlisle - DoctorDoctor_745**_

_**Esme - VampireMuthaHen_876**_

_**Emmett - Grizzly_Wrestling_123**_

_**Jacob - WhoLetTheDogsOut_186**_

_**Mr_HappySad has signed in.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

Shawty_Shopper: Oh crap.

Mr_HappySad: Oh crap is right! Alice, simply put, you spent enough to feed an entire third world country. Only, you spent it on low rise jeans.

Shawty_Shopper: But, Jazzy, there was a sale! It was ten percent off all Prada! And the Gucci tote bag was only $799.95! How could I walk past that? HOW, I ASK YOU? Besides, I didn't spend that much.

Mr_HappySad: Alice, I have your credit card bill in my hands as we speak.

Shawty_Shopper: Oh sweet Jesus.

Mr_HappySad: $590,957.99. that's between TWO credit cards, Alice!

Shawty_Shopper: oh, come on. It's not like we don't have money to burn.

Mr_HappySad: THE MONEY IS NOT THE POINT. YOU ARE ADDICTED TO SHOPPING, ALICE!

Shawty_Shopper: NO, I'M NOT! I'm just...saving impaired.

Mr_HappySad: I have no choice, Alice...

Shawty_Shopper: NO FREAKING WAY JASPER. NO FREAKING WAY ON EARTH.

Mr_HappySad: than to disable all of your credit cards.

Shawty_Shopper: NOOOOOOOO! Those cards are my life blood! You hear me? I CANT LAST!

_**Mr_HappySad has signed off.**_

Shawty_Shopper: I HAVE TO STOP HIM!

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed off.**_

**NEXT DAY- Edward and Bella passing notes in biology**

**Bella**

Edward

**Why did Alice look like she lost her best friend at lunch today?**

Because she lost her credit cards.

**LOST them? That's hard to believe. **

Well, she more got them taken away by Jasper. We're getting worried though.

Alice has never been without shopping for very long...

**I think she's depressed. She's not even wearing designer clothes today!**

Yes, true,love. But knowing alice, she'll either bribe jasper out of the credit card ban or steal somebody else's card.

**Bribe? How?**

They're technically married, love. Think about it.

**oh. OH.**

Exactly.

**Well then hopefully we'll have our Alice back by tomorrow. She hasn't even tried to get me to go shopping with her! *GASP***

I know. She looks like she swallowed a sock.

**CRAP TEACHERS COMING!**

**LATER THAT DAY**

_**Danger_Magnet has signed in.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

Danger_Magnet: judging by the hundreds of shopping bags in the Porsche, you got your credit cards back.

Shawty_Shopper: yep! All loaded with credit

Danger_Magnet: Alice, Alice, , I got to go! Edwards here!

Shawty_Shopper: what are you two, attached at the hip?

_**Danger_Magnet has signed out.**_

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed out.**_

_**Did you like it? Really? Hope so. Coming up: chapter 5! **_

_**TTYL! Review! pwease? *puppy dog eyes***_


	5. What the hell? That's impressive

Hi Hi again everyone! Get ready for chapter five! Hope it's a blast.

To all reviewers: THANK YOU! You special people have taken time out of you busy lives to review my story :]

Anyways, back to business. Chapter five, peoples! GET READING!

Edward - VampireBeethoven109

Bella - Danger_Magnet

Rosalie - BlondeBeauty_411

Alice - shawty_shopper

Jasper - Mr_HappySad

Carlisle - DoctorDoctor_745

Esme - VampireMuthaHen_876

Emmett - Grizzly_Wrestling_123

Jacob - WhoLetTheDogsOut_186

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed in.**_

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed in.**_

Shawty_Shopper: Emmett! Hurry up! Edward will be on any minute now!

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: This is gonna be awesome! He is going to be so pissed at us.

Shawty_Shopper: Duh. sorta the point. Are the water balloons in place?

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: Yep. All systems go.

Shawty_Shopper: aaaand 3...2...1...

*POPPING NOISES AND SWEARING COMING FROM EDWARD DOWNSTAIRS*

_**VampireBeethoven109 has signed in.**_

VampireBeethoven109: YOU PUT WATER BALLONS UNDER MY PIANO KEYS?

Shawty_Shopper: That's for my Gucci bag you threw in the river. IT WAS SO YOUNG!

_**VampireBeethoven109 has signed out**_**.**

Shawty_Shopper: let's go find him and sing cheesy songs near him at the top of our lungs!

Grizzly_Wrestling_123: okay!

_**Shawty_Shopper has signed out.**_

_**Grizzly_Wrestling_123 has signed out.**_

_**LATER THAT DAY (Alice's POV) A/N: Edward hates lady GaGa music. but I love it!**_

Me and Em_m_ett walked into the living room. Edward was watching _judge Judy _on the massive LCD screen. We sat down on either side of him, deliberately blocking our thoughts by translating 'Macbeth' into Finnish. And right on cue, Emmett started our evil master plan...

_Emmett singing _**Alice singing **_**all singing**_ Edward speaking

**Rah rah ah ah ah**

**Mum mum mum mum mah**

**Gaga ooh la la**

**Want your bad romance**

**I want your ugly, I want your disease**

**I want your everything as long as it's free**

**I want your love**

**Love, love, love I want your love**

After that first bit, Edward got off the couch and ran vampire speed to the back door, but we were waiting...

The rest of our family, and Bella, got out of the white coffins we'd set up in the backyard, all wearing red lady gaga outfits. Me and Emmett dashed for our lives and dressed in our outfits, black versions of everyone else's, and positioned ourselves in a triangular formation. We did this in about ten seconds. We switched on the C.D player and began our perfectly synchronised dance.

_I want your drummer, the touch of your healing_

_I want your leather dirty kiss in the scene _

_I want your love_

_Love, love, love, I want your love._

_**I want your loving**_

_**I want your revenge **_

_**You and me put on a bad romance**_

_**I want your loving**_

_**All your love is revenge **_

_**You and me put on a bad romance**_

_**Oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhh**_

_**Oh-oh-oh-ohhh-oh**_

_**caught in a bad romance**_

_**Oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhh**_

_**Oh-oh-oh-ohhh-oh**_

_**caught in a bad romance**_

Rah rah ah ah ah

Mum mum mum mum mah

Gaga ooh la la

Want your bad romance

*finish*

We stood there for a full two minutes while Edward processed what had happened. ".HELL?" I guess the choreography was good, though Bella did stuff up a little on the chorus parts. But pretty good for a week's advance notice :] . He looked like he wanted to rip my head off though... he HATES Gaga with a passion. Oh well. Next up, Just Dance! My favourite. Edward beware!

Well, that was a random chapter, but oh well. Lady Gaga rules! Her costumes are radical!

Pleeeaaasee review? ? *bouncing up and down*

TTYL!


	6. The Chemistry Trig blues

**Hi readers! This chapter isn't exactly a chat room, but oh well. It's texts between Edward and Bella during class time... and Lauren gets Edward's number! Hope you like it as much as the chatroom chapters. Enjoy!**

**Edward**_ Bella _Lauren

_Hi Edward!_

**Hello Bella.**

_What class R U in?_

**Trig. Ugh. I've passed this class every year for a hundred years, it just gets more unbearable. Plus, Lauren is trying to flirt. Can her skirt BE any shorter? It's sickening to look at.**

_Yeah, Lauren's been trying to get with you for years. Wait, you don't like her do you? OMG *hyperventilating* you aren't leaving again are you? I knew it. There's someone else. OMG_

**BELLA! CALM DOWN, LOVE! I love only you. I'd rather die than kiss Lauren.**

_Oh. Ok. Sorry... I get like that sometimes._

**I know. What class are you in?**

_Chemistry._

**Ok. That sucks, I just had that class.**

_REALLY? Did he give you that worksheet?_

**Yes. **

_Could you help me out here?_

**Bella... **

_Good. What is AgCl__3__Cu__2 __?_

**Um, Dicopper silver trichloride.**

_THANK YOU. I love U_**!**

***sigh* I love you too Bella. Also, I have a plan. **

_Anything to break the boredom around here. Do tell!_

**Well, Lauren is reading over my shoulder every now and then to keep an eye on what we're saying, so act flirty. It'll be hilarious to see the look on her face when she reads over my shoulder...**

_Got it! Brilliant plan, my love:]_

**Thank you. So... START!**

_Pick up something for tonight, Eddie... Charlie's in Seattle..._

**Indeed I will, Baby. Meet you at 10.**

_Okay!_

OMG are you guys Doing It?

**How did you get my number, Lauren?**

I have my sources. Don't go out with HER, Edward! She's not even pretty! I'm smoking hot, rich, AVAILABLE, and have a sense of style.

_I can still see the messages you send Edward, you know._

Good. I love Edward way more than you do.

_Whatever!_

I think Edward turned his phone off. Nice going, ISABELLA.

_Gosh, I'm sorry, little-miss-perfect-beyatch. But he's MY boyfriend. GET OVER IT_.

Whatevs. I'm turning my phone off.

You really showed off your dark side there, Bella. It was... sexy.

_Ha-ha, whatever._

Really, you turned me on. I can hardly wait for tonight. We'll go to the meadow.

_Okay! _

**Okay sorry for such a short chapter! I'll try and make the next one extra long! REVIEW! 488 people have read this and only 18 have reviewed. COME ON! WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT! PLEASE REVIEW! Ha-ha sorry about my little rant, that just happens sometimes :] anyways hope u enjoyed it!**

**TTYL peeps!**


	7. Plotting the revenge dum dum DUUUUMMM

Okay guys, I really need your help here. I need wolf screen names for the next chapter!

Any ideas? Include them in your reviews if u have some ideas. And this next chapter is dedicated to my 2 most adorably adorable dogs! LOL random... once again it is going to b in text form, I think I might do that from now on, It's easier to write. Writing the screen names over and over again gets really annoying. Give me your opinion, texts or chat rooms? And here's chapter 7!

Edward _Bella _**Alice**

_Is there any way that you guys can inconspicuously drain Lauren and Jessica of blood_?

**Nope! Though it's tempting, I doubt Carlisle would B very happy. **

I don't think so, Bella dear.

_Damn._

What did she do this time?

_She just said that I didn't deserve you and that you better be single by Friday or there will be consequences. Probably involving snide comments, rumours and having eggs thrown at me and my truck._

Not very original, is she?

**But we are...**

Alice, what are you planning?

**Only the revenge of the century, decade, millennium, era! **

_Oookaaay..._

**Edward, I need you to go to the store tonight and buy all the crazy string they have, in every colour. Also, get a few cans of that crappy rainbow coloured hairspray. You know, the cheap one that's impossible to wash out before school. And a diary.**

A diary?

**Yepp. This is going to be so awesome! I've seen it. The look on her face is priceless. Also, we need a video camera to film the whole thing. We can put it on YouTube**.

_Usually I'm not the whole revenge type person, but I'm totally in!_

**YAY!**

**Sorry for the mega short chapter guys, but it's just a prelude to the revenge. Look forward to the next chapter: Revenge of the century!**

**TTYL! **


	8. Revenge! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA! part 1

DUM DUM DUUUMMMM!

Part 2 of the revenge plan... action time! Also I'm going back to school soon so I may update less often, like maybe three times a week, depends on how much homework ok and sorry this isn't texts or chat! This fanfic is gonna be more of a mix now... hope u don't mind... this is a more serious part.

ENJOY THE REVENGE PLAN!

**FRIDAY**

Edward and I walked down the hallway hand in hand on our way to biology. I felt edgy because of Lauren's warning, but I should be okay with Edward there during the inevitable confrontation. _Crunch time_, I thought, as Lauren sauntered towards me and Edward. She was wearing an impossibly short skirt, and enough make-up to choke a whale. She looked like one of those hookers that offered Edward a date in Seattle.

" Hi Edward," she said, in a voice that was supposed to be sexy, but it sounded more like she had a cold.

"Bella." She said, not even looking at me. "Could I talk to you for a second... ALONE?" she said.

"Sure, Lauren..." I said uncertainly. This is what we want, I told myself.

"So, I see Edward is still taken..." Lauren started.

"Yeah, and no matter what you do, I'll always be with Edward, so I don't even know why you're trying. He loves me not you." I said, having a sudden burst of courage.

_Where did that come from...? _ oh well. I started walking away, but Lauren grabbed my arm and hissed in my ear,

"_I'll make you eat those words, beotch._"

A shiver went down my spine as I returned to my wonderful Edward. He squeezed my hand, and I knew he had heard everything. Great.

"Phase one begins today," he whispered into my ear. bb

I looked up at him and smiled. We started walking to the cafeteria, meeting Alice at the doors, nearly exploding with excitement. We sat down at our usual table, dumping our lunch trays on the table like everyone else. Alice started explaining phase one of the revenge plan.

"Edward, did you bring the diary? Good. I want you to write this in it, after writing some random dribble in the first few pages." She handed Edward a folded piece of paper. We read it together,

_Dear Diary, _

_I can't believe Tyler asked me out AGAIN. Doesn't he get the hint that he's a total dipstick? I'm way too hot for him. I think sleeping with Mike was a bad idea though... what if Tyler finds out? Who will I go to prom with? Mike? Ew. Anyway, Tyler looks like a nerd. Med and Jess went to the mall the other day, and she dressed so bad I almost threw up, she has no sense of style. I totally do. _

_TTYL, Lauren _

Edward was shaking his head. "What?" I asked.

" This is pretty accurate." He said quietly.

Wow. She slept with mike. Me and Alice exchanged glances. Edward had already written out everything in the fake diary with 'LAUREN' on the front in big stick-on letters.

"ok, now before biology slip this onto Tyler's desk. He'll show everyone, including Jessica. News will spread, trust me."Alice said.

Then we had to go to class early. Edward inconspicuously slipped the diary onto the desk Tyler would sit in and led me to our usual table. We waded through the boring lesson, passing notes as we waited for the bell,

Edward _Bella_

_Do you think it will work_?

Bella, Alice is psychic.

_Oh, right. I love you._

I love you more.

_I love you more than chocolate cake._

I love you more than playing piano.

_I love you more than listening to you play the piano._

I love you more than drinking human blood.

_I love you more than I want to be a vampire._

Great. I can't top that.

_YESSS!_

The bell eventually rang and we went to the cafeteria together to see the aftermath of our stunt.

Tyler was yelling at the top of his lungs at Lauren, who was crying and holding the fake diary. I almost felt bad for her. But then I remembered what she had said, and I felt only hatred. Phase one complete. Then Jessica ran up to Lauren crying and slapped her across the face.

"You Bitch." Jessica sobbed, then ran into the ladies room.

And this was only the start!

So how was that? This will stretch over two or three chapters, hope u don't mind that it's in story style. I know it's called Twilight: the chat room, But I'm changing the name to something else... any suggestions? PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLLEEEAASSSEE? Thanks! Hope u liked it.

TTYL peeps!


	9. IMPORTANT! please read

ATTENTION EVERYONE!

Really sorry this is not a chapter but it is really important!

The name of this story has been changed from Twilight: The chat room to Twilight: The texts, convos, and evil plans

This happened because I started putting other non-chat-room-stuff into the story so now the name doesn't fit right. Sorry if this confuses anyone!

That's all! Have a nice whatever time of day it is where you're living right now!

BUH BYE!


	10. Revenge! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA! part 2

**Revenge part 2! The moment you've been waiting for since the dawn of Twilight... when Lauren get's her just desserts! Enjoy! **

"GUYS, FINALLY!" Alice launched herself at us as soon as we walked through the Cullen's front door. "I've been waiting forever!"

"Alice, you got here two minutes ago," Edward pointed out.

"Whatever, Edward. Let's get planning phase two!" Alice said. Geez, she seemed to be enjoying this...

We zoomed to Edward's room, me on Edward's back, and I was surprised to find his room was different. All of his furniture had been shoved to the side, and smack bang in the middle of Edward's room was a line of and spy gear.

Oh great.

"ALICE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?" Edward was furious.

Alice ignored him. "I set up spy cameras in and near Lauren's house and car. That way we get a better view of her reaction! Genius, I know."

Edward was still giving Alice his best vampire death glare. I shivered, thanking my lucky stars that looks can't kill. I peeked at the T.V screens and there were views of Laurens' room, the kitchen, living room, the interior of her car, and the bathroom. (Thankfully not the toilet. That's one thing I never want to see...)

"Wow." Was all I could say.

On the table there was a bunch of tiny video cameras, and voice recorders, about the size of a bottle of nail polish. Beside the table there was about two hundred bottles of crazy string, a few packets of chewing gum, and a few bottles of cheap coloured hairspray in different colours.

"I think I bought out the party shop." Edward said.

"No matter! We have exactly what we need!" Alice chirped, excited. Then she started explaining phase two.

" Edward and I will sneak into Lauren's house tonight, and use this on her hair." She picked up a bottle of green hairspray. "Cos she is blonde it will work the best. Then, we will chew up the gum, and stick that to underneath her hair as well, so when she tries to brush the colour out she spreads the gum. And it won't wash out either! So then it will have to be cut out. We will stick it in certain places so that it can't be cut out in layers and look like a hairstyle. So the product of all that will be a short, snot green hair colour. **(AN: Sorry the colour is kind of gross, but I couldn't think of a more disgusting shade of green)** Her mother will think it serves her right for putting that crap in her hair, even though she swears she didn't do it."

Edward and I sat in slightly stunned silence. It was brilliant!

"AWESOME! Alice, you rock!" I said, slapping her a high-five.

"Thanks muchly!" she said.

Edward just nodded his head in approval. "We'll start tonight!"

**THAT NIGHT, ALICE'S POV!**

We were ready. Ready for phase two of revenge of the era!

"Edward, hurry up! Do you have everything?" I whined.

"Yes Alice! You've only asked twenty times." Well, we can't forget anything!

Edward ran down the stairs with a Black backpack in hand. We ran out the front door to Lauren's house. Once we got there, we climbed up the climbing vine to her window. Edward oiled the window and climbed in. I slinked in after him. "Get out the gum," I whispered to him so fast no human could possibly hear us. We chewed up the fifty pieces of gum – they tasted so gross! How could humans chew this all day? – Until they were soft, then methodically stuck the in a seemingly random pattern. Because I knew a lot about hairdressing, I knew where a hairdresser had to cut to do layers, and so I stuck the pieces so they couldn't be cut out with layers. Then to the hairspray. We got out a bottle each, then coloured her hair until it was a sick green. We put her mirror and brush on her night stand. We then climbed back outside, but we weren't done yet!

We ran across the lawn to her car. I had stolen her car keys from her room. We opened the car and got out the crazy string. We started drowning her car interior in the stuff. The seats, windows, doors, steering wheel, everything was covered in rainbow crazy string. I pumped the air with my fist when we saw the result. It looked like some rainbow monster threw up in there. EW. We started spraying the trees too, for good measure. We then packed up and ran silently down the street, I couldn't wait for tomorrow!

**TOMORROW. ALICE'S POV AGAIN.**

Edward and Bella walked at a human pace to the cafeteria ant a slow pace, frustrating me. Hurry up! I was bouncing up and down. Jasper was sending out calming waves, trying to curb my hyperness. It wasn't working. Finally, They sat down at our table.

"Have you seen Lauren yet?" I asked, now even more hyper than before.

"No, not yet," they both said.

I was about to describe the sight when I had a vision.

"Well, You guys can see for yourself in... thirty seconds.

When Lauren walked into the cafeteria there was audible gasps from everyone sitting down.

Lauren's hair was cut, into a boring bob style. Bella gawked at her without realising.

"Great job guys!" she whispered under her breath.

We heard Lauren telling Jess what happened.

"My car is filled with crazy string! And the trees are covered in the crap! My Mom grounded me for it. And my hair was filled with gum! It could have been cut out into a style I'm sure, but my Mom agreed to cutting it into this! I'm having an awful week, jess. How am I supposed to get Cullen now?" she whined.

Jess did an unexpected thing then.

"Lauren, you've been nothing but awful to me, so why should I care about what happens to you? Just accept that Bella is going out with Cullen, and why do you think we are still friends? You slept with mike, who is my boyfriend by the way, so you can just leave me alone, Lauren Mallory!" she exploded. The whole cafeteria went silent.

Lauren tried to deny everything, but jess just turned and started talking to Angela.

"Mission Accomplished!" I said, low enough so Lauren couldn't hear.

That'll teach her to mess with Bella!

**Like it? Then review and tell me that! Thanks for reading this everyone! Hope u don't the revenge was too harsh, but I REALLY hate Lauren. **

**TTYL peoples!**


	11. Gifts, gifts, gifts!

This is a little random mini story that I just randomly thought up. Hope it's not too lame! Just Bella and Edward fluff, ENJOY:]

P.S. Edward is has just come back from hunting in this story.

I walked into my room and dumped my school bag. I pulled out my homework and sighed. Did Mr. Varner really have to give us this much? I sat on my bed and started on page one, problem one. After about half an hour, I flopped backwards, smacking my head down on my pillow.

"Ow!" I said, surprised. There was something hard under my pillow.

I lifted the pillow, and growled at what I saw there. There, under my pillow, was long flat box. It was wrapped in beautiful silver paper with an abstract design in gold.

"wow," I muttered, because even with my aversion to gifts, the wrapping paper was really pretty.

I shoved the box under my bed. I didn't really want to know what was in there, I told myself. But sooner or later curiosity got the better of me, and I retrieved the box from under my bed. I sighed deeply as I unwrapped the box, my eyes squeezed shut.

When the box was completely unwrapped, I opened my eyes. A white and gold cardboard box was in my hands. I lifted the lid slowly. I gasped at what I saw.

There was a gorgeous necklace. The delicate rose gold chain looked like it had lashes of white gold as well. It looked extremely expensive, but not as expensive as the pendant. A breathtaking diamond cube the size of my thumbnail hung from the chain, the diamond was set in rose and white gold.

"Edward," I sighed. It was just like him to sneak gifts under my pillow.

I decided to put it on anyway, to see how it looked before I gave it back to him. I couldn't accept this. It must have cost ten thousand or something ridiculous like that! I fumbled with the clasp.

I gasped as cold hands replaced mine on the chain, unclipping it and putting it on me in lightning speed.

"Do you like it?" he whispered.

"Edward!" I squealed. I threw my arms around him.

"Hello." He chuckled at me.

We sat on the bed in silence for a few moments; I started toying with the necklace.

"So, do you like it?" he asked.

"I can't accept this. It's far too expensive." I whispered.

" That's not an answer"

" Yes, I love it." I whispered after a moment's hesitation.

"That's all I wanted to hear." He whispered back.

I wore it to school the next day. Everyone, with the exception of Alice and Rosalie, who probably helped him pick it out, stared at the pendant. When we sat down at our table in the cafeteria Jessica came up to us.

"Is that REAL?" she asked, awed.

"Yes," I said, "it's real."

"It's beautiful!" she said then returned to her table.

Wow! Even the queen of mean was complimenting me.

"Whoa! That's a big diamond! How many carats is that?" Jasper asked.

"Um... quite a few..." Edward said, obviously not wanting to upset me with the size of the diamond.

AFTER SCHOOL

Edward and I where curled up on my bed, having a nice make-out session to make up for when he was away, when Alice jumped through the window, landing silently on the balls of her feet.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I whispered.

"Delivering the keys! What else?" she chirped.

"Keys? Keys to what?" I asked warily, Aware of the guilty look on Edward's face.

"Your new car, silly!" she said. " You didn't tell her, did you?" she said to Edward, when all she received was a blank look from me.

"look out the window," she sighed," and don't scream, please."

I looked out the window, and there in the driveway, next to my truck, was a shiny new Porsche, cherry red.

"No. Just no."

" But Bella-" Edward started.

"NO , Edward!"

"Fine. Alice, how would you like a new Porsche?" he asked Alice.

"YAY!" she squealed, jumping around and... well, being Alice.

After she finally left, Edward and I picked up where we left off.

LOL ! did he really think she was going to accept a new car? Hope you liked! REVIEW!

TTYL!


	12. Alice in Wonderland

**Ok readers! I've been working my but off so sorry for not updating! * sees readers sharpening pitchforks* DON'T KILL ME! This is my take on Alice in wonderland, my fave book (and now my fave movie!) this is... Alice (Cullen!) in wonderland! Corny, but Whatevs. You'll get over it! This is another bit of fluff I wrote.**

YAY! Bella is going shopping with me! Well, she doesn't know it yet, but she will come. MUWAHAHAHAH! I left the house to hunt a while with Rose; I don't think Edward would be very pleased with me if I started sucking Bella's blood in the middle of our shopping trip. Come to think of it, I don't think Bella would be very happy, either. Rosalie got up silently and followed me to the front door. We leapt the river in a fraction of a second, even in platform boots, and darted into the Forest.

We conversed while we ran, talking about random things, like wether rose's wardrobe needed updating, the new Gucci range, and the movies coming out this winter.

"Did you finish reading Alice in wonderland for only the gazillionth time?" Rosalie inquired.

"Yeah, the writer must have been on crack or something, cos there's some really strange stuff in that book. Thank God its fiction. Then I had a sudden vision. My eyes glazed over as I saw it:

_The vision_

_Rosalie and I are falling, down a hole. I can't see much. I see the creatures from my book, except much different than described in Lewis Carroll's masterpiece. They are somewhat scary... almost as scary as us._

_End vision_

Oh. My. God. Ohmygodohmygodomygod! We are going to wonderland! EEEE!

"Alice? Alice? Alice! Come on Alice! What did you see?" Rosalie said, her tone slightly worried.

"OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO WONDERLAND!" I squealed.

"Right... sure we are. Have you been stealing the human's crack again? Cos I'm pretty sure it has a different effect on us..." rose said.

"Just keep running." I sighed. Maybe I WAS just hallucinating.

After a while, I gave up on my vision. We hunted for a few hours, then started heading back.

" Really Alice, you're like a human on sugar rush." She commented.

" Yeah, I guess I ju-" I was cut off by tripping on a hole.

The exact hole in my vision.

I started breathing quicker, even though my body didn't need it.

"Rose! Rose, this is the hole! The hole in my vision! "I squealed.

I clambered down halfway, even with my vampire vision I couldn't see more than two metres down.

Rose grabbed my arm." Alice. Don't be stupid! Who knows what's down there?"

"Rosalie, we're vampires. Get a grip." I said, and slid down the rest of the hole.

I slid for ages, hearing Rosalie following close behind. Damn, this is going to ruin my shoes! We slid to a stop after ages of sliding. We, not surprisingly, saw a white rabbit in a waistcoat looking at a watch, going, "I'm late! I'm late!" Yeah yeah, heard it all before.

"Hey rabbit! Hey, you! Hairball with the ugly coat! Where are we?" Rosalie shouted.

The rabbit didn't answer.

Rose growled and darted forward, vampire speed. She grabbed the rabbit by its tail.

"Okay, listen up. You do not, repeat, do not, ignore me. I ruined my fucking favourite stilettos sliding down your stupid hole, so listen up! Where the hell are we?"

The rabbit stared for a while before answering. "Wonderland." He said simply.

"Is there a decent mall around here? Cos I really need to shop." I chimed in.

"Mall? What are you talking about? The only mall around here is on the other side of wonderland." The rabbit replied. "Now I really must go, I'm terribly late..." he trailed off as Rosalie crumbled the watch between her fingers.

"There, now you're not late for anything." She said, sweet, but with an undertone of menace.

The rabbit looked more scared than ever.

"Escort us to the mall," I ordered.

"But... But..."

"NOW! I NEED A MALL NOW!" I screeched at him. I was irritable when I didn't get my malls.

He scurried forward. We kept up easily.

He led us into a room with only a door in it.

"Now, this garden can be anything you want. Think it up now, before we enter." The rabbit warned.

I thought of a garden that was all shopping. Rose did the same, I could tell.

We opened the door and, lo and behold, the most beautiful sight my eyes have ever beheld confronted me.

There Gucci trees where growing the latest handbags, while Prada plants bended in the slight breeze. Wild herds of shoes grazed on the grass which was littered with designer clothes. Rose and I gasped. I smelled the scent of human blood, but there was only a rabbit around. I looked over to the scent, and saw only an apple tree. The apples looked strange, swelled... I took one and bit into in slowly. The blood oozed out of the apple. It tasted like human blood!

"Rose do my eyes look red to you?" I asked.

"No, which IS strange, seeing you just drank like two litres of human blood."She replied.

"mmmmmm." She sighed, as she bit into an especially swelled apple.

Then, after quenching our thirsts without killing anyone, we went on in search of the wonderland mall.

**OMG, that sucked. Please don't throw stuff at me. * various things hurtle past my face, missing me by an inch.* **

**OK, YOU CROSSED A LINE! WHO WAS IT? WHO?**

**He he. Sorri :]**


	13. Alice in Wonderland, part 2!

**Okay guys, that last chapter were strange, and guess what? This one will be too, so enjoy...**

" I can take you to the blue caterpillar and the Mad Hatter, but that's it." The Rabbit squeaked.

We arrived at the caterpillar minutes later, and as soon as we got there the rabbit set off at a thousand miles an hour. We turned to the caterpillar, it had creepy red eyes and was a blackish blue colour. Rose gagged in disgust beside me.

"I always hated insects." She whispered.

I walked up to the caterpillar. "Could you point us in the direction of the mall?" I asked in my sweetest voice.

"No." It said in a gruff voice.

Then, the 'Mad Hatter' the rabbit mentioned walked out of the bushes.

"What he means is that way." He said, pointing to the path beside us.

His appearance was... well, freaky. He was wearing something straight out of the fashion 'don'ts' section of _Vouge._ His hair was a deep blue colour, with fluoro yellow highlights, all frizzy and uncombed. I almost gasped at the poor fashion ignorant soul crying out for instant attention.

"What happened to YOU?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" the hatter asked.

"Your clothes suck." Rosalie said bluntly.

"Um...well, that is a matter of opinion..." he said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Yeah? Well, my opinion is that they SUCK. Come on, We have to buy him some decent clothes, Alice!" she complained.

"Fine." I replied. What could go wrong?

Rosalie grabbed the Hatter's hand and dragged him along with us. We walked for ages, and ran into the Cheshire cat.

"How can I help you?" the cat asked.

"Scram, cat. We have a mall to get to." Rosalie said rudely.

And that was that.

We finally arrived at the mall.

"YES! We're here!" I sang.

At last! A mall! I walked through the sliding doors dreamily. Okay, to the men's department!

After fitting the Mad Hatter with the latest gear, he looked kinda good. He left after that, to show the caterpillar. Now we had the mall to ourselves! I zoomed through the racks, picking out about ten or twenty thousand dollars worth of designer gear, and headed to the dressing rooms.

I swear that Rose and I tried on at LEAST a hundred outfits each. At the moment I was trying on a strapless emerald dress, with beautiful green diamante stilettos. I was in heaven.

While trying on a pair of jeans, Rosalie commented that we should be getting home soon.

I agreed, so we went to the counter to pay. I prayed that there wasn't some freaky currency here, like you have to pay in pink sheep or something. My credit card was accepted, and we ran back to the hole we came down in.

"How on earth are we gonna get up there?" I asked.

"Scale the walls. Duh. We're vampires, dude!" she replied.

So we scaled the walls. I went to open one of the bags of clothes, but I didn't have anything but empty air. Rose's clothes were gone too.

"Stupid wonderland clothes," we both said, and headed back to the house.

Well, At least I have an excuse to go shopping with Bella!

**Okay, that's the result of no sleep and sugar rush! Hope u liked it. I'll hopefully be doing a note chapter next, but I may update a little slower, I have school again. :(**

**Buh bye!**


	14. AN sorry

Okay guys, I am so extremely sorry, but I just don't have the time to write this story anymore, I love writing and will probably keep writing some random one-shots for some fun, but I just can't update regularly.

Really sorry, but this story is gonna be updated kinda slowly. It depends on how much time I have, on weekends I might update 2-3 chapters if I have nothing to do.

Writing is really important to me guys, but I can't fail high school.

Any ideas please review them 2 me.

Ta-Ta,

Minnie moo Luvs u


	15. Obsessions & Truth or Dare!

**Oh my gosh, how long has it been? I am SO sorry, My life is hectic. Any way... The next chapter...Obsessions! A few sexual references, just Emmett nothing major. The cullens get into trouble, and decide to pass time with a game of... well You'll see! oh! And also disclaimer!**

**Me: Hi! I'm Minn-**

**Steph Meyer: No you cannot own Twilight.**

**Me: But wwhhyy?**

**S.M: cos you're not awesome enough. *walks away***

**So yeah, I obviously don't own Twilight; otherwise I'd be filthy rich.**

Bella's POV

Oh brother, Carlisle is calling another 'Family conference'. That's a guarantee that a good time will be had by all. Not. Edward drove us to the Cullen's house *cough-mansion-cough* in his beloved Volvo. When we arrived, Edward helped me out of the car and stroked the glossy silver paint before closing the door. I swear he loves that car almost as much as me sometimes!

"Bella!" Alice threw herself at me as soon as my feet were through the door.

"Hey, Shawty!" I said, earning a glare from Alice and a booming laugh from Emmett.

"Hey lil' sis!" Emmett pulled me into a rib-cracking hug.

"Hey- Em- Can I- Breathe-Yet?" I choked out. Emmett released me, chuckling.

"Bella! It's been too long since your last visit!" Esme cried, pulling me into another hug.

"Well, you're always welcome here Bella." Carlisle said warmly. " But now, we need to talk."

We all sat down on the pristine white couches before Carlisle started speaking.

"It has come to my attention that all of you, not including Bella, have some rather unhealthy... obsessions. For instance, Emmett, what did you do today?"

"UH...Had sex with Rose." Emmett replied.

"Yesterday?"

"Sex with Rose..."

"Friday?"

"Ok,Ok, I get the point!"

"And Edward, yes, YOU Edward, have your obsessions. Like your Volvo, for instance. You've washed it nine times this week... and your C.D.s as well. Alice, with her shopping, buying out several stores a day on average, and even trying to buy Forks for a day. Rosalie and her mirrors and makeup, for crying out loud you're a vampire, you're already perfect! Jasper... Um... stop sending waves of forgetfulness! You and your Emo stuff. The screamo music and all black outfits have to go. All of you will be going one week without your obsessions. Alice, turn in your credit cards and fill jasper's closet with fluoro coloured stuff. Edward, turn in your keys to the Volvo. Rose, your mirrors and makeup, please. And Emmett, You and rose will be in separate parts of the house for this one. Esme, could you gather Edward's C.D.s for me? yes. All of them." Carlisle ordered.

Edward looked like a kid someone told that Santa wasn't real. Emmett and Rose looked shocked. Alice was pouting. Jasper looked... Pained. Edward took my hand and turned towards the garage, me in tow, and suddenly realised he didn't have a car anymore.

"How am I supposed to get Bella home?" He demanded.

"Run. Duh." Alice said, still angry.

So we ran.

NEXT DAY

Edward was there when I woke up, smiling at me from my creaky old rocking chair.

"Good morning, sunshine." He whispered.

"Get your butt over here so I can kiss you," I demanded. He shook his head defiantly, smiling.

"Make me." He said.

"That can be arranged," I answered. I jumped out of bed and leapt at the place he had once been. He suddenly reappeared on the other side of the room. I giggled. I chased him again, still in my pyjamas, ( hey, what the hell, it's Saturday!) and ran out the door. I raced down the stairs after him.

I stood next to the couch, looking around for him. He was nowhere to be seen. I crept forward a few inches. Suddenly, a white-and-bronze blur knocked me onto the couch; I was having a fit of giggles by then. He was propped up by his arms above me, grinning. I suddenly grabbed his face and kissed him.

"Gotcha." I whispered.

Edward started tickling me, not fighting fair. He knew I was ticklish! Grr! I was laughing so hard by then it was hard to breathe, but I didn't care. He picked me up bridal-style and carried me into the dining room. I loved Saturdays; he was always in a good mood.

"I thought you'd take losing the Volvo a bit differently," I commented.

"Well, I figured I could spend the time I usually spent with my Volvo with you." He answered.

Awww! Sweet! I wondered what else we could get up to today.

Edward moved to the kitchen. I followed him.

"What are you doing?" I wondered aloud.

"Breakfast. Of course." He answered, touching my nose with his index finger.

Edward started zooming around the kitchen, making a feast. He put down a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, English muffins, and fried tomatoes, and a glass of orange juice in front of me.

"Wow!" I said.

Edward did my favourite crooked smile as I scarfed down my food- Probably the best I'd ever had- and stood up. I had a shower, and got dressed in black skinny jeans and a basic dark blue long-sleeved shirt. I trotted downstairs.

"Let's go!" Edward said, taking my hand and flinging me onto his back.

We ran for about two minutes, and I dropped off his back when we got to the house.

I was slightly shocked at the sight that met my eyes.

Alice was on the couch watching the shopping network, looking longingly at the cashmere sweaters and citizens 4 humanity jeans. Emmet was actually READING A BOOK, something I hadn't seen him do... EVER. Rosalie was just sitting there, looking like she would kill for some Elizabeth Arden right now, And Jasper was sitting in the corner of the living room, whimpering, "Colour...too much colour... no black...I need screamo..." to himself. I wondered why Edward was so happy if the rest where miserable. Well, at least they don't really need the stuff they were banned from.

"Um... hi guys!" I said in an attempted cheerful voice.

No-one was fooled.

"Hey Bella" Alice said half-heartedly. Jasper just whimpered.

"Be careful Bella, Emmett is making up for his loss of sex in pranks." Rosalie warned me.

"Great," I groaned.

I plopped onto the couch next to Alice. I hugged her shoulders. She groaned.

"Carlisle, its only sixty-nine ninety nine! I can't just sit here!"

"Oh yes you can, and you will!" Carlisle called back.

I stood up and padded into the kitchen. It was lunchtime, so I opened the cupboard doors to find row upon row of tinned food... without ANY labels._crap_.

I picked out a random can and spooned it into a bowl. There was what looked like slime in the bowl...It looked like... I had no idea. I tried a spoonful ... and recognised the disgusting taste of oysters. I threw up in the sink. Edward came running in.

"love, what on earth is wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Stupid cans with no labels." I muttered when I was done throwing up.

"EMMETTT!" Edward yelled.

I could hear the noises of a brawl upstairs now, And I walked up to watch.

Emmett was on the ground with Edward on top of him. His arms where twisted behind his back. I laughed, and so did Emmett.

"Enjoy the oysters?" he asked.

I scowled at him. I wandered into Edward's room, it was thunder storming outside. The dark black clouds swirled in the sky. I watched the lighting from Edward's all-glass wall. I browsed through his never-ending collection of music, picking out my favourite Coldplay album and putting it on. The soothing sounds of Viva la Vida rang through the room. I picked out Wuthering Heights from his equally massive bookshelf, and settled on the white leather couch to read.

After a few minutes, the usual cold arms circled me, and I leaned into them.

"Ever been dancing in a thunderstorm before?" he whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my ear.

"No, but I daresay you are going to take me." I said.

"Correct" he said. We zoomed outside, the clouds closer now, and ran to the meadow where I first saw the wonder that was Edward in the sun. It was spitting slightly now.

"May I have this dance, Miss Swan?" he asked, with a perfect British accent.

"Of course, Mr Cullen," I answered_**. (A/N just imagine 'The lion fell in love with the lamb' playing in the background.)**_

As soon as I took his hand, it started pouring rain. I didn't care, this moment was perfect, and nothing could ruin it. It was just me and Edward, alone in the world, no-one else existed. We spun around the drenched meadow, twirling under the black storm clouds. As we reached the edge of the forest, Edward leaned down to kiss me...

At the same time Emmett hurtled through the woods in full Viking gear, brandishing a wooden sword. I groaned.

"EMMETT CULLEN! YOU JUST RUINED MY PERFECT NIGHT!" I whined.

"Well, we're all going back to the house to play truth and dare. Get your asses back to the house pronto!" Emmett said loudly. Edward told me about the last time the Cullen's played truth or dare. It involved telling the Queen of Spain to kiss Emmett's ass and being on the run until she died. Cheap thrills, Emmett had called it.

We ran back to the house. Alice pulled us inside and we all sat in a circle.

"Me first!"Alice trilled. "Truth or dare, Emmett?"

Emmett chose dare.

"I dare you, Emmett, to think the dirtiest things you can to Edward."

Edward groaned, and Emmett stared very hard at Edward.

"Uh, MY MIND! IT BURNS! AHHH!" Edward cried.

Everyone except Edward laughed.

"Me next!" proclaimed Emmett. Jasper, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Jasper said.

"I dare... Bella... to kiss Jasper!"

Oh crap!

"Emmett!" Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I whined.

"Do it!" Emmett urged. So I scooted over to Jasper and kissed his cheek. I blushed.

"on the lips." Emmett repeated grimly.

Jasper leant in, Obviously wanting to get this over with. I wasn't offended; I felt exactly the same way and he knew it. He pecked my lips quickly, then sat up straight again. I blushed harder and leant into Edward. It was Rose's turn now.

"truth or dare, Edward?"

"Dare"

"I dare Edward," she said ominously," to receive a ten minute makeover from Alice."

Edward groaned while Alice whooped. They ran upstairs and came back down in ten minutes.

"That's the most hair gel I've ever seen in my life," Edward commented, after coming back downstairs wearing guyliner and a bomber jacket.

It was Edward's turn.

"Emmett, truth or dare?"

"Dare"

"I dare Emmett... to tear up Esme's entire favourite tulip patch."

Emmett groaned, and was back two seconds later with dirt all over his hands.

Japer's turn came. " Bella, truth or dare?" he asked calmly, with some mischief in his voice.

"Truth." I said. The possibilities were horrible for dare.

"Have you ever broken anything of Edward's?"

"Yes, A bee gees C.D. I think." I replied, looking at Edward. I swear I heard him growl.

My turn! "Emmet, Truth ot Dare?"

"dare, duh!"

"Emmet, I dare you to speak with a Jamaican accent for a few turns."

"WOOO!' Emmett whooped. "Sure, Mon!"

We all giggled at Emmet.

"Edward, brah, truth or dar mon?"

Edward sighed. "Truth."

"Aw, yah party pooper mon! Have yah ever kissed a guy?"

"Uh..." Was all Edward said. Every one gasped.

"Well Mike Newton forced himself on me in tenth grade, that's all."

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, and I turned to Alice.

"Alice, truth or dare?" I asked, deliberately changing decisions.

"UH...Dare?" she asked.

"I dare you, Mary Alice Brandon, to eat an entire happy meal."

Alice groaned, and zoomed out of the room. She came back ten minutes later with a happy meal box in her hands. She sat down and slowly started eating, gagging a little.

"You will pay!" she choked out.

I shuddered as she finished the McDonalds, Rose turned to Edward.

"truth or dare Eddikins?" she asked sweetly.

"Dare...'" Rose must be blocking.

"I dare you to go to Jessica's house, get down on one knee, and say that you dumped Bella and that she is the true love of your life. On the first date, you must tell her that it was all a dare and kiss a waiting Bella (very passionately) outside before getting into a getaway car. Any questions?"

"No." Edward sighed. He wasn't going to enjoy this.

NIGHT TIME, JESS'S HOUSE, EDWARDS POV

"Do I have to?"I whimpered. If I could throw up, I would be puking my guts up now.

"Yes!" Rosalie hissed. "No chicken!"

I shuddered and got out of the car. I walked to Jessica's front door and rang the bell.

"Hello?" Jessica opened the door. Great.

"Jessica, you are the love of my existence. " I lied through my teeth. " I dumped Bella to be with you. She was a ploy to make you jealous, and I would be honoured if you would go out with me tonight." I was on one knee by then.

"OH MY GOD! I'LL GO GET READY! GIVE ME THREE SECONDS!" Jess squealed, looking like she was about to pee herself. She dashed into the house.

She came back ten minutes later with her hair curled and a green floaty dress on. I couldn't help thinking how good that dress would look on Bella. We got into the Volvo and sped towards Chez Monee for dinner. We arrived and I asked for the reservation under 'Cullen'. There was no reservation, so I slipped the poor reception guy a thousand bucks for a nice private table. Alone with Jessica... ugh! We sat and ordered some food. Jess got lobster bisque and I got soup. I wouldn't be eating anyway, although I would have to pretend. The last thing we need is Jess finding out about us.

"So, Edward!" Jess purred. "What happened with Bella?" she sneered out my angel's name. I almost growled. _Shut the hell up, Edward!_ A voice in my head told me.

"She got very... clingy... and needy. So we broke." I answered, in monotone,

_Well, good thing too! The girl isn't even pretty, no wonder he broke up with her. Oh my God, Lauren is going to DIE! And did he slip that waiter some money? It looked like hundreds! I wonder..._

I tried to tune out Her thoughts and focused on my families' thoughts.

_Okay Edward, Just a few more minutes of flirting, then go for a kiss. Then, just before she kisses, run out here and make sure she follows!_ Rose thought. I was going to think up the worst dare for her.

I chatted and flirted for what seemed like hours, and she leaned in slightly. I leaned in too, encouraging her. Just a little closer... there!

I abruptly ran from the table, her following. I ran out of the restaurant and into the arms of my waiting Bella. We kissed extremely passionately and jumped into our getaway car. I didn't even glance back at Jessica.

Okay, Rose, look out!

Okayz went a bit off the whole obsessions theme but WHATEVER! This story is back, baby! TTYL from Jamie


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